Heartwarming journey to a double Happily Ever After. Read the second half at the link. [Substack] A petition against Israel I refused to sign lit the fuse of anger in my peers at Columbia.
When I began studying at Barnard College of Columbia University in 2015, I was on a full-ride scholarship. Coming from a foster-care type upbringing, I had no family. No friends in NYC. And no support system. But I was full of hope, excitement and dreams to study.
But when a student knocked on my door my after I moved in with a Boycott, Divest, and Sanctions (BDS) petition against Israel, I paused. Was this a friend or foe? What was this about?
I had only vaguely heard of Israel and Paleostine, and I didn’t feel comfortable signing the petition. Geopolitics wasn’t my strong suit. And I barely heard about Israel or Paleostine before. So, I told the girl that I couldn’t sign it till I did more research, and she left, seemingly ok with that response.
Days later, she again asked me to sign the BDS petition.
I still hadn’t researched the conflict, so I declined again. Then next day, I recall that the girl had tagged me in the Barnard and Columbia Class of 2018 Facebook pages, which had each hundreds of members, that "Toni Airaksinen is an apartheid supporting Zionist who doesn’t care about Paleostinians and people of color." I was aghast.
I never said any of that. What’s a Zionist?
Suddenly, new acquaintances turned into vicious enemies. In searching for help, I learned that to Barnard students, Israel and Zionism was antithetical to the social justice orthodoxy they fought for.
Paleostine and Hamas
..a contraction of the Arabic words for "frothing at the mouth",...
..a contraction of the Arabic words for "frothing at the mouth",...
supporters and their allies targeted me, banged on my door at night, sent me thinly veiled death threats through Tumblr and Facebook, and stalked me through the campus grocery store, often hurling slurs under their lips.
I was forced to stop eating at the Barnard dining hall because students would "accidentally" bump into me, making me drop my tray. Instead, I found refuge at Columbia University’s dining halls and began taking all my classes at Columbia instead, where the students didn’t know me and it was easier to blend in, at least for a few months.
By not agreeing with students on Paleostine, I was branded a hater of people of color, a supporter of "apartheid" and "segregation" — basically, evil.
It was the late 2010s, and the activist zeitgeist revolved around "trigger warnings", decrying the "wage gap" and "microaggressions", the #MeToo movement, and fighting "apartheid" in Israel — mostly through petitions to ban Sabra Hummus and calls to divest the endowment from Israeli-related stocks such as Raytheon.
The campus zeitgeist had no place for me.
At some point during my freshman year, I made a Facebook post about the harassment I was getting. An SOS. A desperate plea for help. I was terrified.
I didn’t know what help I needed.
But after that post, I woke up to dozens of messages and friend requests. Who were these people? I wondered. Since I had grown up atheist in a small town, I had only a vague idea of who Jewish people were. But in droves, they came to my rescue.
One Jewish Upper West Side mom literally came to my dorm the same day with a care package. She gave me her phone number for emergencies. She was a Barnard alumna, and was shocked at what I told her.
Other Jewish strangers soon invited me to Shabbat dinners on the Upper West Side and in Brooklyn. They gave me advice — mostly, "Stay quiet" and "The college is not on your side."
Many texted me occasionally, to check in. Many of them, and my peers, assumed I was Jewish. But I wasn’t.
Not yet.
My new Jewish acquaintances brought me into their circles. Soon after, I started schlepping to Brooklyn every weekend, hanging out with Jewish college students, lighting shabbat candles, studying for exams and trying not to worry about school.
But things took a turn for the worse in my sophomore year.
Residential Life admins assigned me to live in the "Social Justice House" at Barnard. Why? I don’t exactly remember.
The Social Justice House was built on kindness and respect, but I didn’t realize it was a political hotbed until I began meeting my housemates. My folly.
My roommate, Fatimah, was Paleostinian and a member of SJP. My other suitemate was a leader of Jewish Voice for Peace (JVP), a Barnard anti-Israel club that works in lockstep with SJP. A Lebanese-Paleostinian girl was down the hall. I shuddered as every other weekend, they and other pro-Paleostine students from Barnard and Columbia held activist style meetings in my dorm’s kitchen while smoking reefer and hookah, giggling about me in hushed tones.
I had no clue how I got placed with them. Perhaps Barnard officials thought I would change my mind on Israel?
But when I asked my resident assistant if I could change dorms, I recall her asking something along the lines of: "Have you considered learning more about Israel’s apartheid?"
I later learned she too was an SJP supporter.
Slowly, I learned more about Israel and Paleostine. As a student journalist covering campus politics nationwide for websites like USA TODAY and PJ Media, I covered stories about Jewish college students and antisemitism across the country. I thought I was doing something helpful. But the harassment continued.
Again, I appealed on Facebook. What should I do? Help?
Over the next week, more Jewish students, New Yorkers and Columbia alumni reached out. This time not by the dozens, but by the hundreds. They were appalled at what I was facing, but nobody had the power to do anything.
Nevertheless, they became almost like a family to me. During the weekends, summer, and winter breaks, Jewish rabbis and moms in Brooklyn graciously opened their homes to me when I had nowhere else I felt safe to stay.
They drove me to doctor appointments, connected me to journalism opportunities at Jewish-allied media companies, taught me about Halacha, how to cook meals for large parties and so much more. For all that, they asked me to sign nothing.
Once, while staying with a rabbi during my sophomore year in the summer, after a year of living with Paleostinian activists, I asked whether I should convert to Judaism.
I was already learning the basics of keeping kosher, some of the Shabbat prayers, and bits and pieces of Halacha (Jewish law). So why not convert? Plus, wouldn’t this make my "landlords" happy?
Nay, the rabbi’s wife said. "We adore you.. You don’t have to convert to stay here. There’s no pressure." Phew.
But that was less of a deterrent as it was an inspiration. I continued studying Judaism anyway, hanging out in shuls in Crown Heights and Midwood with my friends to study Torah and Yiddish words, and observing the Jewish holidays in a rudimentary way.
Over at Barnard — during the school week — I joined the school newspaper.
But one night, after I published a column in The Columbia Spectator, the Columbia University newspaper, a young man named Benjamin reached out to applaud one of my articles. I was excited. He was cute. Over on Twitter, I had built up over 18,000 followers, and my articles were going viral. That’s how he found me: Twitter. Of all places. I had pledged not to meet my fans, but something was different about him. But eventually, we fell in love.
I soon arranged my Columbia classes so that I could leave campus on Thursday night to see Benjamin in New Jersey, and come back Monday or Tuesday morning. The less time I spent on campus, the less I was harassed. The less I was seen, the less harassment I heard. The less I said about the harassment, the less bullies felt empowered to intimidate me.
Sometimes, the most gracious thing you can do in the face of hate: is to stay silent.
At one point during junior year: I had read enough. I didn’t support the chants of "to the river to the sea", the catchphrases about "globalizing the intifada" and knew I didn’t support Paleostinian’s vision of "Israel" without Jewish people.
I continued publishing stories about Jewish students and antisemitism. Meanwhile,
...back at the abandoned silver mine, there was another explosion...
...back at the pond, the radioactive tadpoles grown into frogs. Really big frogs, in fact...
I mostly kept quiet about my own harassment, not wanting to invite extra attention, scared that I would anger more hate to descend on me.
My senior year, I skipped the keffiyah-fest known as graduation, scared to be seen on campus. When I got my 2018 graduation yearbook in the mail: my name was suspiciously absent. But I’m cautious to point the finger: it could have been a mistake. But I doubt it.
Later, when Benjamin and I moved to Boca Raton in 2023 after the October 7th attack on Israel, I felt ready: I felt called to Judaism. To me, converting wasn’t a choice. It was my destiny. There’s absolutely no other way I felt I could live my life without Judaism. By then, Jews were more of my family than the "family" I had grown up with. |
...1. Little Orphan Annie's bodyguard
..always the voice of sweet reason...
..a regional Iranian catspaw,...
..not a terrorist organization, even though it kidnaps people, holds hostages, and tries to negotiate by executing them,...