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-Signs, Portents, and the Weather-
Governor Whitmer Orders Citizens To Barbecue Indoors
2020-05-26
[Babylon Bee] LANSING, MI—Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer has ordered all citizens to barbecue indoors this Memorial Day.

The executive order restricts all Memorial Day barbecue celebrations to inside only.

"You're more than welcome to celebrate your freedoms with a barbecue as long as you don't go outside," she said, wagging her finger like a school teacher. "Naughty boys and girls hold barbecues outdoors where the big, scary coronavirus can get them. Good boys and girls barbecue inside where it is safe."

Anyone who disobeys the order will be put on time-out and sent to bed without any dessert. Those who continually disobey will be grounded and have their Nintendo privileges taken away.

At publishing time, sources had confirmed this restriction would likely be extended through Labor Day 2025.
Posted by:Besoeker

#6  Down $1.

Saw the Whitless reference and I nvoked Mencken's maxim about betting against stupidity:

"No one ever went broke underestimating the stupidity of the American public Woke elites"
Posted by: Lex   2020-05-26 12:09  

#5  I still had to confirm.
Posted by: swksvolFF   2020-05-26 10:53  

#4  Just close enough to reality to be the BEE.
Posted by: AlmostAnonymous5839   2020-05-26 09:41  

#3  It's almost unfair to be up 1$ over this one.
Posted by: AlanC   2020-05-26 08:17  

#2  Real estate agent GF enjoying all the calls from Michigan and Illinois.
Posted by: M. Murcek   2020-05-26 07:27  

#1  Wow! She really hates her constituents so much she advocates carbon monoxide poisoning!

Glad people will ignore her
Posted by: Percy Flotle3938   2020-05-26 05:56  

00:01