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2025-10-16 -Lurid Crime Tales-

Teens who jumped ex-DOGE staffer Edward ''Big Balls'' Coristine avoid jail, sentenced to probation

[NYPOST] Two teenagers who jumped former DOGE staffer Edward ''Big Balls'' Coristine have avoided jail after pleading guilty to simple assault at a Washington, DC, court.

The boy and girl, both 15, from Hyattsville, Maryland, were sentenced to probation at a DC court on Tuesday, just over two months after the pair were arrested for the savage Aug. 3 attack, WUSA9 reported.

The boy was handed a 12-month probation and allowed to return home under strict house arrest, while the girl was given a nine-month probation and remanded to a local youth shelter.
Boy howdy! That’ll learn 'em!
Their accomplices in the attempted carjacking and assault at approximately 3 a.m. in a DC parking garage remain on the lam.

''I hope you can figure things out and be ready for the consequences,'' Coristine, 19, reportedly told the defendants via video link, as he thanked the courts and police for their quick work in bringing the pair to justice.

Coristine was left with a concussion and a broken nose after he and a female companion were jumped by ''a group of 10 guys,'' the ex-DOGE employee previously said.

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Posted by Fred 2025-10-16 00:00|| E-Mail|| Front Page|| [1829 views ] Top

1 strict house arrest

But no 'sternly worded letter'?

Posted by Bobby 2025-10-16 07:41|| 2025-10-16 07:41|| Front Page Top

2 the judge feels her job is to 'rehabilitate' and not punish

Posted by Skidmark 2025-10-16 08:13|| 2025-10-16 08:13|| Front Page Top

3 ^ Karen. The purpose of 'justice' is 'justice' not social work. If the state refuses justice then it forfeits it legitimacy.

Posted by Procopius2k 2025-10-16 09:49|| 2025-10-16 09:49|| Front Page Top

4 /\ Well said.

Posted by Besoeker 2025-10-16 09:53|| 2025-10-16 09:53|| Front Page Top

5 The last time I checked the US Congress has full authority over DC, how it's run, who runs it and particularly the courts at all levels there. It is not a State of the Union.
If the electorate objects to whatever officials of DC do there, they can write to their Congress critter. Or better yet, vote for someone else on 3 Nov 2026.

Posted by Anguper Hupomosing9418 2025-10-16 11:45|| 2025-10-16 11:45|| Front Page Top

6 Per the weaselly little leftist bow-tied Harvard scum who taught my criminal law course oh so many years ago: rehabilitation is a proven failure, the sole purpose of punishment is societal retribution.

Posted by Big Unurong5862 2025-10-16 16:17|| 2025-10-16 16:17|| Front Page Top

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