The Champ has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a few folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
The Champ thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.
In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.
"No," The Champ said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the door of the next room.
In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented The Champ.
The devil opened a third door. Through it, The Champ saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
The Champ looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said............
"OK, Monica, you're free to go."
[Tolo News] According to Nangarhar The unfortunate Afghan province located adjacent to Mohmand, Kurram, and Khyber Agencies. The capital is Jalalabad. The province was the fief of Younus Khalis after the Soviets departed and one of his sons is the current provincial Taliban commander. Nangarhar is Haqqani country.. local security officials, at least 15 Taliban Death Eaters were killed and nine other maimed on Monday morning when the Death Eaters targeted an Afghan force convoy.
Nangarhar Police Spokesman, Hazrat Hussain Mashreqiwal, while confirming the incident said the clash occurred in Khoghyani district when a number of Taliban Death Eaters attacked an Afghan force convoy.
"The incident took place when an Afghan force convoy was returning from a check post, when the Taliban attacked them," Mashreqiwal said.
The clash continued for more than eight hours. There were no Afghan force and civilian casualties.
According to Mashreqiwal three Taliban capos were among the killed.
"The commanders who were killed in the clash are commanders Miraj, Hashmat and Grenade," Mashreqiwal said.
Taliban Death Eaters have yet to comment about the clash.
In a separate incident, three public order police were killed and two others were maimed Tuesday morning in Herat ...a venerable old Persian-speaking city in western Afghanistan, populated mostly by Tadjiks, which is why it's not as blood-soaked as areas controlled by Pashtuns... province.
Major Sher Agha, the district police chief of Heart, said that the incident occurred in Obe and Herat City highway when a public order police vehicle was hit by a remote control mine.
According to Agha, the man with the remote control was tossed in the clink Please don't kill me! in the area.
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[Egypt Independent] A 19-year old student died in al-Khanka City after Moslem Brüderbund supporters allegedly attacked a march organized by supporters of presidential candidate and former Defense Minister Abdel Fattah al-Sisi.
State-run MENA agency said that the attack took place with Molotov cocktails and homemade bombs. Another man was injured, it added.
According to a police report, a group of young supporters of Sisi organized a march in front of the city council.
They were surprised by a group of Moslem Brüderbund supporters who allegedly chanted anti-police and anti-military slogans and attacked them with Molotov cocktails and bombs, leading to the death of Ammar M., 19, and the injury of Hasib M.
The dead was a student at the Faculty of Engineering and was standing by the city council to watch the incident.
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[MAGHAREBIA] Tunisian police on Monday (May 5th) tossed in the clink Drop the rosco, Muggsy, or you're one with the ages! two salafists in Menzel Abderrahmen, Bizerte governorate, wanted by the security services in connection with recent festivities between citizens and Islamists. Authorities seized documents inciting jihad and recovered a grenade during the arrest.
In other security news, Medenine security services arrested a man wearing a niqab and carrying a knife. The arrest came just a few days before the annual Ghriba pilgrimage at the near-by island of Djerba.
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The defence ministry said that eight automatic Kalashnikov-type rifles, an RPG-7 and a "large amount" of ammunition were seized.
In other security news, El Watan reported on Monday that a roadside kaboom targeted gendarmerie patrol south of Kadiria, Bouira province one day earlier. Three copperswere maimed in the blast.
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[MAGHAREBIA] A kaboom on Monday (May 5th) targeted the Libyan interior ministry's financial control office in Derna, Libya Herald reported.
The bomb, placed in a bag, had been left in front of the building. An official from the office said they had received threats and warnings not to pay salaries to any local members of the army or police.
On Saturday, an Islamist group calling itself Shabaab al-Mohammedanin took control over the former regime people's committee building and turned it into an Islamic court.
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[MAGHAREBIA] Tunisian troops killed a gunman in Jebel Chaambi as the army continued its sweep of the terrorist stronghold along the Algerian border, AFP reported Monday (May 5th).
"Two people were identified in the closed military zone," defence ministry front man Colonel Major Taoufik Rahmouni told Tunisian radio. "The two men did not obey the order to stop and tried to flee. We opened fire. One of them was maimed and died at the scene and the other fled."
The army recovered weapons and ammunition, according to the front man, who described the dead gunman as wanted by authorities.
Last Friday, Rahmouni told TAP that the army was on "the verge of completing progress on several axes in the zone of military operations in Kasserine".
"They will proceed to carry out incursions into the mountainous region in order to hunt down turbans who refused confrontation and to open paths and secure them," he added.
Security expert Tariq Ben Mansour predicted that the army would "inflict a crushing defeat on turbans who have lost their logistical support after pressure was applied on them from all sides, with the help of Algerian forces".
According to the expert, the operation was in its final stage and the Tunisian army will find a number of charred bodies due to days of intense bombardment of the terrorists' positions.
Back in mid-April, the army launched a new ground offensive on several fronts after army aviation and artillery destroyed terrorists' positions.
"Security operations in Chaambi are witnessing remarkable progress," Interior Minister Lotfi Ben Jeddou said on Labour Day. "National Army units reached the peaks; the goal is to eradicate terrorism."
There could be up to 20 turbans in the region, according to interior ministry front man Mohammed Ali Aroui. "They are Tunisian and Algerian nationals and also [others] from other African countries," he previously told Magharebia.
Shaker Hamdi, resident of a neighbourhood adjacent to Jebel Chaambi, said, "The situation is somewhat calm now and we no longer hear the sound of guns or see military aircrafts in the skies of the region. We learned that the Tunisian army started to move on the ground and began to hunt for the remains of terrorists."
"It has entered a critical stage after aerial cover and artillery bombardments gave good results and pushed turbans into a defensive position," security expert Maher al-Saihi explained. "Terrorists were for a long time the initiators of attacks. The national army made up its mind and is now the initiator."
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[An Nahar] Yemeni troops killed two suspected bully boyz when they shelled the house of a local Al-Qaeda chief in the southern Shabwa province, a military official said Tuesday.
The overnight artillery strike hit near Al-Saeed, one of several towns in Shabwa targeted in an ongoing government offensive against Al-Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula.
It resulted in "the death of Nasser and Ahmed bin Atef, brothers of local Al-Qaeda chief (Saad bin Atef), both of whom are active members in the network," the official told AFP.
The official did not say whether Saad was present at the time of the shelling.
The Yemeni army also seized an Al-Qaeda stronghold in the neighboring province of Abyan ...a governorate of Yemen. The region was a base to the Aden-Abyan Islamic Army terrorist group until it dropped the name and joined al-Qaeda. Its capital is Zinjibar. In March 2011, al-Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula declared the governate an Islamic Emirate after seizing control of the region. The New York Times fastidiously reported that those in control, while Islamic hard boyz, are not in fact al-Qaeda, but something else that looks, tastes, smells, and acts the same. Yemeni government forces launched an effort to re-establish control of the region when President-for-Life Saleh was tossed and the carnage continues... , another military official said, as it pressed an eight-day-old offensive with support from tribal militias.
"We entered Wadi Dhiqa this morning, a major stronghold of AQAP bully boyz ... who fled under the pressure of troops to Al-Koor," a mountainous region nearby, the source said.
It was not immediately possible to independently verify the military's claims.
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[DAWN] Soddy Arabia ...a kingdom taking up the bulk of the Arabian peninsula. Its primary economic activity involves exporting oil and soaking Islamic rubes on the annual hajj pilgrimage. The country supports a large number of princes in whatcha might call princely splendor. When the oil runs out the rest of the world is going to kick sand in the Soddy national face... said on Tuesday it had uncovered an al Qaeda krazed killer group with links to "extremist elements" in Syria and Yemen that had been plotting to assassinate officials and attack government and foreign targets.
The cell comprised 62 members, including 59 Saudi krazed killers, a Yemeni, a Pak and a Paleostinian, Interior Ministry front man Major General Mansour al-Turki said in a televised briefing.
Speaking in a live televised briefing, Turki said the cell had links to the ultra-hardline Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant ... the current version of al-Qaeda in Iraq, just as blood-thirsty and well-beloved as the original... (ISIL), which is both a powerful krazed killer force in Syria's war and an anti-government combatant across the border in turbulent Iraq.
He said some members of the cell were still on the lam.
"They ... started constructing components of the organization, means of support and planning for terrorist operations targeting government installations, foreign interests and assassinating security personalities," he said.
The conservative Islamic kingdom, the world's largest oil exporter, has grown increasingly concerned about radicalisation this year because the war in Syria has spurred what they see as a surge in online militancy.
Officials are worried about a new al Qaeda armed campaign: Saudi Arabia faced an al Qaeda insurgency from 2003 to 2006 in which bully boyz targeted residential compounds for foreigners and Saudi government facilities, killing dozens of people.
The kingdom had responded by arresting thousands of suspected bully boyz and launching a media campaign to discredit their ideology with the backing of influential holy mans and tribal leaders. The courts have sentenced thousands of Saudi citizens to prison terms for similar offences over the past decade.
Turki said an investigation into social media postings "led security forces after months of hard work to pinpoint suspicious activities that unveiled a terrorist organization through which the elements of al Qaeda in Yemen were communicating with their counterpart elements in Syria in coordination with a number of misguided (people) at home in various provinces of the kingdom."
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#1
The planned attacks must have been a little too close to Saudi interests.
A total of 10 individuals were killed including a top state police official in ongoing gunfights between Mexican security forces and armed suspects in the northern border state of Tamaulipas, according to official and government news accounts.
According to a news release posted on the website of the Tamaulipas state government, an armed encounter took place Monday in Ciudad Victoria, the state capital of Tamaulipas near the intersection of calles 42and Ocampo in Altavista colony at around 1900 hrs.
According to the news release, federal security forces had been requested at the location by Policia Estatal Acreditable against a number of armed suspects who had been detected in the area, sparking an exchange of gunfire. The report stressed that automatic rifles were used by the armed suspects.
Four armed suspects and one state police official were killed.
Among the federal security forces three Policia Militar and one Mexican marine were wounded in the encounter.
The police official who was killed was identified as Salvador de Haro MuĂąoz, director of investigation for the Tamaulipas state Secretaria de Seguridad Publica del Estado (SSPE).
Three of the dead armed suspects were identified as Hector Heraclio Silva, Daniel Camarillo and Cristian Giovanni de la Sota Gallego. Five more suspects were detained at the scene, and were identified as Oscar Eliud de la Sota Gallegos, Abraham Camarillo Baltazar, Esteban Ruiz Leija, Karina Nayely Hernändez Guevara and Mayte Candelaria Ruiz Leija.
In border cities in Tamaulipas, five more armed suspects were killed by Mexican security forces in two separate incidents Monday evening, according to an official news account.
A Policia Federal road patrol in Reynosa was fired on by armed suspects who were traveling aboard a Ford Crown Victoria initiating a pursuit, which ended at a shopping center the intersection of Bulevar Hidalgo and Avenida El Pasito.
Four armed suspects were killed in that encounter as they tried to escape, the fourth found inside the vehicle. Two of the suspects who died were identified as Jorge Aaron Guerra Ontiveros, 22, and JosĂŠAlejandro Perez Guerra, 28.
Meanwhile in Matamoros, one armed suspect was killed in an armed encounter at around 1100 hrs Monday.
A Mexican naval infantry road patrol was fired on by armed suspects who were aboard a Chevrolet van, and then fled the scene.
The pursuit by the marine patrol ended on Lauro del Villar highway near Ciudad Industrial, where the driver of the van crashed the vehicle into a tree.
According to the report, the van caught fire because a quantity of gasoline in a plastic container caught fire. One armed suspect died at the scene while the other four escaped into the bush. The report said the gasoline was stolen.
Chris Covert writes Mexican Drug War and national political news for Rantburg.com and BorderlandBeat.com. He can be reached at grurkka@gmail.com
[The Peninsula] Six people were maimed in a knife attack at a Chinese train station yesterday, the third in a series of recent station stabbings with authorities blaming the first two on "terrorists" from Xinjiang.
Police shot one of the attackers at the station in the southern metropolis of Guangzhou, the city's public security bureau said in a statement on its microblog, adding that all six injured had been hospitalised.
Four attackers were involved, the People's Daily newspaper reported on its verified microblog, adding they were wearing white caps, often donned by Moslems, and police opened fire on them after they ignored warnings.
Reports said one of the men died, one was tossed in the slammer You have the right to remain silent... and two escaped, with one of them captured later.
The incident comes less than a week after a stabbing spree and kaboom at the opposite end of the country left two attackers and a civilian dead, and 79 people maimed, at a railway station in Urumqi.
The city is the capital of Xinjiang, home to the mostly Moslem Uighur minority.
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#1
There are growing fears amongst China-Watchers, both foreign + domestic, that the country will experience serious-to-full-blown Islamic insurgency in Xinjiang = West China [much?] sooner than later.
* BHARAT RAKSHAK > CHINA MILITANTS NEW DARING - JAPAN TIMES.
Militants de facto challenging Beijing = Chinese Govt.
* BIGNEWSNETWORK > [Xinhua] XI: XINJIANG STABILITY IS VITAL TO NATION.
* WORLD MILITARY FORUM > RUSSIA'S PUTIN ORDERS FEARED FSB "ALPHA" SPECIAL FORCES TROOPS INTO UKRAINE IN RESPONSE TO SAUDI ARABIA'S DEPLOYMENT OF 2000 SAUDI + CHECHEN TAKFIRI FIGHTERS TO UKRAINE, DECLARES "STATE OF RED WAR" NOW IN PROGRESS. RUSSIAN OR RUSSIAN-SPEAKING PEOPLES, EITHER FOREIGN OR DOMETIC, NOW DEEMD AT THREAT.
I say again - iff the US = West is worried about post-2014, Taliban = Militant-Jihadi control of Pakistan's Nukes vee formal Govt/Power-sharing, it'll really be worried iff the Hard Boyz get control of Russia's Nukes [+ China's? Indias?].
MORE AT STAKE IN THE UKRAINE-CRIMEA CRISIS THAN JUST PUTIN + RUSSIA.
[DAWN] LANDI KOTAL: Two peace volunteers were killed in a roadside kaboom blast near Bazaar Zakhakhel here on Tuesday.
Also in the day, the administration of Jamrud tehsil temporarily NATO ...the North Atlantic Treaty Organization. It's headquartered in Belgium. That sez it all.... supplies via Torkham border over the removal of damaged vehicles from the road.
Local officials said the blast occurred in Bukar Mastak area after a vehicle of Zakhakhel peace committee, locally known as Tauheedul Islam, hit a roadside kaboom during a routine patrol.
They said the terrorist activity left two members of the peace body, including Karnal Khan Afridi and Arafat Khan Afridi, dead and three injured.
The officials said the injured were pulled out of the damaged vehicle and shifted to hospitals in Beautiful Downtown Peshawar ...capital of Khyber Pakhtunkhwa (formerly known as the North-West Frontier Province), administrative and economic hub for the Federally Administered Tribal Areas of Pakistan. Peshawar is situated near the eastern end of the Khyber Pass, convenient to the Pak-Afghan border. Peshawar has evolved into one of Pakistan's most ethnically and linguistically diverse cities, which means lots of gunfire. .
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[DAWN] MIRAMSHAH: Thirteen turbans have been killed on Tuesday as infighting between rival Taliban groups restarted in Shawal Tehsil of North Wazoo Agency.
The latest violence comes a few days after a ceasefire which the turbans claimed to have reached through mediation by top commanders.
Official and tribal sources confirmed that the festivities had started early Tuesday morning between Sheryar Mehsud and Khan Said alias Sajna.
According to official sources, several other turbans have also been injured in the Shawal mountains near the Pak-Afghan border.
The infighting between the two groups have claimed more than 50 lives during the last few weeks.
Sources said that the corpse count is likely to rise.
The Sajna and Sheryar groups of the TTP have been at odds since the death of Hakimullah and Waliur Rehman Mehsud in US drone strikes.
The rival factions have accused each other of grabbing power in order to control South Waziristan's Mehsud tribal area.
Sajna had been considered the right hand man of Waliur Rehman, whereas Sheryar was a confidant of Hakimullah Mehsud.
Their slain leaders had also been at loggerheads after the death of TTP founder Baitullah Mehsud.
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[An Nahar] Clashes near an Iraqi city held by anti-government fighters and bombings targeting soldiers killed at least eight people Tuesday, officials said, the latest casualties of a protracted surge of nationwide violence.
The government has blamed external factors such as the civil war in neighboring Syria for the bloodshed, but analysts and diplomats say anger among the Sunni Arab minority over alleged mistreatment by the Shiite-led authorities has played a major role in the violence.
In Al-Amriyah, south of the city of Fallujah, ... the City of Mosques, which might have somthing to do with why it's not called Center of Prosperity or a really nice place to raise your kids... bully boyz attacked a security forces checkpoint early on Tuesday, sparking festivities.
The violence killed three children and a woman and maimed 15 people, Doctor Ahmed Shami said.
The toll for security forces and bully boyz was not immediately clear.
In a sign of both the reach of anti-government bully boyz and the weakness of security forces, all of Fallujah, a short drive from Storied Baghdad, and shifting parts of Anbar picturesque provincial capital Ramadi, farther west, have been out of government control since early January.
In Abu Ghraib, also west of the capital, a roadside kaboomwent kaboom! near an army patrol, killing at least one soldier and wounding three, a police colonel and a medical official said.
And another blast in Jurf al-Sakhr, south of Storied Baghdad, killed three soldiers and maimed six, a police captain and a doctor said.
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At least six people were injured in two explosions in southern Thailand's main commercial city of Hat Yai, authorities said Tuesday.
The blasts shook the city in the early afternoon with one exploding near a convenience store and the other detonating near apartments being built for local policemen. Television footage showed thick billows of smoke near the apartments as firefighters battled flames sparked by the device which was hidden on a parked motorcycle.
Songkhla's provincial governor said, "There were two bombs attacks, at least six people were injured. None of them is in a serious condition."
Police sources said the bombs went off around 25 minutes apart and confirmed the casualties.
[Ynet] About 30 Syrian government fighters were killed when rebels set off a bomb in a tunnel beneath a checkpoint in a northwestern province, activists said on Tuesday.
Videos and images posted by opposition supporters online showed a massive plume of smoke and earth shooting into the air near a small town as men shouted "holy shit!let's get outta here!aiiiiieeeee!! Allahu akbar".
The Syrian Observatory for Human Rights, a Britannia-based monitoring group, said the blast took place outside the town of Ma'arat al-Nu'man in the northwestern Idlib province.
At least two officers were among those killed when hard boyz from the Islamic Front and the Shields of the Revolution Council set off tonnes of explosives in a tunnel running from the road to the checkpoint, the group said.
#2
I have been to that battle field in Petersburg, Besoeker, in fact I lived in Petersburg for a bit. That crater still exhists. I think the Union brought in some miners from Pittsburg for that big ka-boom there in VA.
[Ynet] A roadside kaboom has killed a local al-Qaeda leader and his wife, an attack that may ignite new infighting between rebel groups in Syria, Syrian activists said Tuesday.
Boy howdy, wouldn't that be a shame...
Ali al-Nuaimi of the Nusra Front, al-Qaeda's affiliate in Syria, and his wife were killed overnight near the town of Busra al-Sham in southern Daraa province, the Britannia-based Syrian Observatory for Human Rights said.
The Observatory said the killing was an "liquidation." It came just days after Nusra fighters seized a controversial Western-backed Syrian military commander, Ahmad al-Nuaimi. It's unclear if the two men are related.
#4
While it doesn't take too much "situational awareness" [SA] to go out and set IED's to kill infidels, you make a valid point. If killing or capturing High Value Targets [HVT], you're pissing in the wind. So called nation building is also pissing in the wind. In fact, just about every effort the US has initiated against the TB in Afghanistan equates to little more than pissing in the wind.
Now if you're talking about a firey, strategic bombing campaign against mosque armories, training centers, and breeding hives in Chaman or Quetta, that's a different story. HVT campaigns however, not so much.
#5
Again, degradation works - if you immediately and agressively follow up to take advantage of the degradation.
Nation-building works - if you aggressively mitigate the factors that work against it..
Obviously none of that happened. That's a leadership failure, not a concept failure
A "firey, strategic bombing campaign," in my experience, still requires preparation, intel, BDA, location and deployment of assets, aggressive follow-up, et cetera.
It all sounds nice and doable - especially yakking about it at the VFW bar. The implementation, however, still has to be done.
#7
Actually, the finer points of Arclight strikes are a frequent topic of discussion by us boys on the assembly line for the F-150s. It would be nice to know that our work was going to be put to good use.
[An Nahar] Syrian rebels from the southern province of Daraa have kidnapped a presidential hopeful whose bid was turned down by the constitutional court, according to an online video distributed Tuesday.
The video shows three armed, bearded rebels wearing fatigues in a room with Mohammad Kanaan, a military officer who had registered to run in June 3 elections that are widely expected to return Hereditary President-for-Life Bashir Pencilneck al-Assad Terror of Aleppo ... to power.
In a video filmed by the rebel brigade and distributed online by opposition media activists, he is shown wearing a suit, seated on an armchair.
"The Tabarak al-Rahman Brigade has tossed in the calaboose Drop the rod and step away witcher hands up! one of the presidential candidates," said an unnamed rebel seated next to Kanaan.
Prompted to speak, Kanaan says he is a colonel in the army's First Division tank battalion, and that he was stopped by a rebel Free Syrian Army ... the more palatable version of the Syrian insurgency, heavily influenced by the Moslem Brüderbund... patrol while traveling from Damascus to Daraa.
Asked why he registered for an election that the opposition has mocked as a "farce," Kanaan, who appeared tense and was flanked by gunnies, said the regime coerced him into running.
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[An Nahar] The army announced on Tuesday the arrest of a number of suspects in Beirut's southern suburb of Dahieh.
It said that Hamza Rashid Zoaiter, Mohammed Wehbe Zeineddine, Abbas Samih Hjoula, Karam Ramez Zeineddine, and Hassan Jamil Mannoun were tossed in the slammer Yez got nuttin' on me, coppers! Nuttin'! at dawn on charges of opening fire and brandishing weapons.
Four hunting rifles, a hand grenade, ammunition, and military equipment were seized in the possession of Mannoun.
The suspects have since been referred to the concerned authorities for investigation.
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[An Nahar] Gunmen from the Qaeda-linked al-Nusra Front on Tuesday kidnapped four Syrians after attacking a refugee camp in the outskirts of the Bekaa border town of Arsal.
"Al-Nusra Front gunnies riding in two SUVs raided a Syrian refugee camp in the Wadi al-Hosn area in Arsal's outskirts and kidnapped four Syrians who hail from the town of Qara," state-run National News Agency reported.
It identified the kidnapped men as the brothers Imad and Ahmed al-Ghawi, Fouad Yassine and Mohammed Hassan al-Ghawi, saying they were taken to an area under the control of gunnies on the Syrian side of the border.
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A multi-volume chronology and reference guide set detailing three years of the Mexican Drug War between 2010 and 2012.
Rantburg.com and borderlandbeat.com correspondent and author Chris Covert presents his first non-fiction work detailing
the drug and gang related violence in Mexico.
Chris gives us Mexican press dispatches of drug and gang war violence
over three years, presented in a multi volume set intended to chronicle the death, violence and mayhem which has
dominated Mexico for six years.
Rantburg was assembled from recycled algorithms in the United States of America. No
trees were destroyed in the production of this weblog. We did hurt some, though. Sorry.
[An Nahar] Yemeni troops killed two suspected 
Wazoo
Hereditary President-for-Life Bashir 
