| And they aren’t even Third World colonels |
[FoxNews] Federal prosecutors allege pair planned coup on Gonave Island between August 2024 and July 2025
Two Texas men have been charged in an alleged plot to invade a Haitian island, kill its male residents and enslave the women and children as their "sex slaves," federal prosecutors announced Thursday.
Gavin Rivers Weisenburg, 21, of Allen, and Tanner Christopher Thomas, 20, of Argyle, were indicted on charges of conspiracy to murder, maim or kidnap in a foreign country and production of child pornography, according to the U.S. Attorney's Office for the Eastern District of Texas.
"Weisenburg and Thomas intended to murder all of the men on the island so that they could then turn all of the women and children into their sex slaves," federal prosecutors allege.
| What, all?? One suspects they have no idea how big the population is, among other crucial bits of information. |
Between August 2024 and July 2025, Weisenburg and Thomas allegedly planned to take over Gonave Island "to carry out their rape fantasies," court documents state.
They intended to buy a sailboat, guns and ammunition and recruit members from Washington, D.C.’s homeless community to "serve as a mercenary force as they invaded Gonave Island and staged a coup d'état," prosecutors said.
| Oh dear. And one of them legally an adult, too. |
Authorities allege the pair took steps to prepare for the invasion, including learning Haitian Creole, attempting to recruit others and enrolling in schools to gain skills that would help them carry out the invasion.
Thomas even joined the U.S. Air Force to receive relevant military training, according to prosecutors.
| And did they teach him the necessary skills? |
In addition to the alleged invasion plan, both men are accused of producing child pornography.
Gonave Island, located in the Gulf of Gonave, has a population of roughly 100,000, according to La Gonave Haiti Partners.
| Still, only roughly half of them would be males slated for killin’. On the other hand, I’m trying to imagine how a bunch of homeless guys would take to the military discipline necessary to mow down thousands at a time. |
If convicted, Weisenburg and Thomas each face up to life in federal prison for the conspiracy charge. The child pornography charge carries between 15 and 30 years in federal prison.
| “It’ll be a piece of cake, Pinky. I done harder things in my shoot’em up video game just last week.” |
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