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| -Lurid Crime Tales- |
| Teens who jumped ex-DOGE staffer Edward ''Big Balls'' Coristine avoid jail, sentenced to probation |
| 2025-10-16 |
| [NYPOST] Two teenagers who jumped former DOGE staffer Edward ''Big Balls'' Coristine have avoided jail after pleading guilty to simple assault at a Washington, DC, court. The boy and girl, both 15, from Hyattsville, Maryland, were sentenced to probation at a DC court on Tuesday, just over two months after the pair were arrested for the savage Aug. 3 attack, WUSA9 reported. The boy was handed a 12-month probation and allowed to return home under strict house arrest, while the girl was given a nine-month probation and remanded to a local youth shelter. Boy howdy! That’ll learn 'em! Their accomplices in the attempted carjacking and assault at approximately 3 a.m. in a DC parking garage remain on the lam. ''I hope you can figure things out and be ready for the consequences,'' Coristine, 19, reportedly told the defendants via video link, as he thanked the courts and police for their quick work in bringing the pair to justice. Coristine was left with a concussion and a broken nose after he and a female companion were jumped by ''a group of 10 guys,'' the ex-DOGE employee previously said. Related: Big Balls 08/06/2025 Big Balls' Beat Up by ‘Youths' in D.C. After Intervening to Stop a Carjacking Big Balls 08/06/2025 Trump warns he will take 'federal control' of Washington, DC as youth violence continues Big Balls 05/02/2025 Elon Musk looks back on 100 days of DOGE, previews future of the 'long-term enterprise' |
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