Here are the first 12 things Trump will do when he returns to power:
1. Spray Febreze on the Oval Office curtains to get the old man smell out: Step one to draining the swamp is giving it a flowery scent.
2..Make Pelosi wear a sweater on the beach: I mean, really.
3. Welcome back Mike Pence, just to tell him he's fired: It'll be the highest ratings for a single episode of The Apprentice. Maybe ever.
4. Invade Afghanistan so he can show how much better he would be at withdrawing from Afghanistan: He's been dreaming about this one every night when he goes to sleep.
5. Finish building that wall, but make Hunter Biden pay for it: Hunter will borrow from Joe, who will borrow from China. 4D chess!
6. Make everything at the dollar store $1 again: And abolish the Fed.
7. Sneak out of the Oval Office for a quick 9 holes: Trump needs to keep his golf skills sharp so he can challenge Putin to a match for the fate of Russia.
8. Bring back the McRib: And make it permanent this time!
9. Find Osama Bin Laden's body and kill him again: USA! USA! USA!
10. Declare total infinity immunity with no take-backs: Should put an end to congressional witch hunts.
11. Put Dr. Fauci in the stocks in the National Mall so everyone can throw cabbage at him: Somewhere up there Samuel Adams is drunkenly smiling.
12. Buy Greenland and make Mexico pay for it: And then drill for oil like there's no tomorrow.
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