[Babylon Bee] KENOSHA, WI—In a verdict that surprised both the prosecution, defense, and judge, the jury for the Rittenhouse trial declared that the Media be found guilty on all counts.The courtroom fell silent as the jury foreman stood to read the verdict, "We the jury find the media guilty on all counts, including the egregious use of its influence to lie to the American people."
The jury then listed guilty verdicts for the following allegations:
Upon hearing the verdicts, the judge summarily sentenced the Media to continue its inevitable decline in viewership and trust, until they either strive for objective journalism, or disappear entirely.
Following the verdicts and sentencing, the Media immediately reported to the American people that a murderous white supremacist terrorist was set free, given a KKK outfit and bazooka, and told to kill, kill, kill.