"Making sure that [people] get useful and life-saving information, quickly and easily, right on their mobile phones, will help more people get out of harm's way when a threat exists," said the faceless bureaucrat.
"The messages, including urgent blasts from the President, information on imminent threats and Amber Alerts about missing children, will supercede all other phone traffic so they won't be stalled or delayed."
[brrring] "Hello? Jack, it's Julie. Jack, I think we're in trouble. Listen, the plane's acting strangely. OMG it just turned hard. Jack, I love you...please take care of the kids and do[click]
This is the Department of Homeland Security with an important message from your President, Barrack H. Obama. [click] Good morning, fellow Americans. I have been notified by my National Security Advisor that blah blah blah.....
..blah blah and be assured that I am doing the appropriate thing in this unforseen emergency. You may now redial any calls you might have been conducting before I made this important announcement. But, before I release the line, I want to remind you to be always watching out for anything unusual, which can be reported on our hot line, 800 234 4321 800 234 4321. That's 800 234 4321. Also, when you start to run, I'd like to remind the ladies that they can run faster if they remove their high heels. Michelle and I want to wish you the best of luck. Now, before you go, I'm advised that there are a few Amber Alerts to process. Be sure to click the # key to acknowledge each [splang - sounds of cell phone breaking up while being pounded into scrap] |