You know, I was wrong.Do I regret it? You betcha!
Three weeks ago I, um, gushed, you know, over Caroline Kennedy becoming, you know, the next U.S. senator from, um, New York.
Little did I, you know, know.
She's turned out to be a no-pulse flat-liner with the vim, vigor, enthusiasm and passion of, um, you know, a wet noodle. Worse, and here's the campaign killer, she inserts "um" and "you know" between every no-pulse, flat-lining, is-she-awake or sleep-talking word she utters.
Oh - it's an auditory terror ordeal. A wince-a-thon, really, in one long monotone.
Poor Jackie, the literary agent, the lover of art and language and the Palmer method and Pablo Casals and his cello and all things graceful and refined.
Who'd have dreamed her daughter - raised in the White House, in Greece and on Park Avenue, a graduate of hoity-toity Concord Academy and hoitier-toitier Radcliffe, for God's sake - sounds, you know, like, um, whatever, as if "some Valley Girl!"
The facts here: Battered about for failing to answer reporters' questions, the lone survivor of magical Camelot did interviews with various New York media outlets this week - and proceeded to say "um" and "you know" nonstop.
She said "you know" more than 200 times in a half-hour interview with The New York Daily News; at least 130 times with The New York Times [NYT] and more than 80 times in a TV interview with New York 1. Dozens of "ums" were sprinkled in generously, too.
About tax cuts: "Well, you know, that's something, obviously, that, you know, in principle and in the campaign, you know, I think that, um, the tax cuts, you know . . ."
About being a good senator: "In many ways, you know, we want to have all kinds of different voices, you know, representing us, and I think what I bring to it is, you know, my experience as a mother, as a woman, as a lawyer, you know."
On why she wants the job: "Um, this is a fairly unique moment both in our, you know, in our country's history, and, and in, in, you know, my own life, and um, you know, we are facing, you know, unbelievable challenges, our economy, you know."
Now you could, um, argue, you know, that "um-ing" and "you-knowing" your way through life has nothing to do, um, with what you know, you know, or don't know, you know. But I, um, don't, you know, buy it.
Sayonara, Caroline.