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| -Short Attention Span Theater- |
| Three Filmmakers Race To Do Battle Of Hastings Movies |
| 2008-12-21 |
| Almost 1,000 years after King Harold took an arrow in the eye, one of the most dramatic turning points in English history is finally to receive the cinema treatment. Three feature films, with big-name backers and creative teams, are preparing to refight the battle of Hastings. They all plan to show the clash between Harold and William as the falling out of two comrades, using the trusted cinema combination of violence and contrasting love lives. Other key battles in English history -- such as Agincourt, Waterloo, Trafalgar, the Spanish Armada and countless fights from the two world wars -- have been filmed, but Hastings has been ignored. "It has everything -- a big-scale event, a turning point in European history and great human stories," said Tom Holland, the historian and author of Millennium. At the core of all three films will be the friendship of two "buddies" in which Harold goes to help William, Duke of Normandy, in battles against the Bretons before they fall out and come to blows at Hastings shortly afterwards. The English king was killed just months after coming to the throne, opening the way to the Norman conquest. |
| Posted by:Anonymoose |
| #6 The Battle of Hastings, 1066 I will tell of the Battle of Hastings As it happened in days long gone by. When Duke William became King of England, And Harold got shot in the eye. It were this way... One day, in October, The duke, he was always a tough, But having no battles at the moment, He'd given his lads the day off. Well, they'd all grabbed their boats and gone fishin' 'Til someone, in Conqueror's ear, Says, "Let's go breeze up some Saxons," And Bill says, "By gum, that's an idea." And turning around to his soldiers He lifts up his big Norman voice And says, "Hands up, who's going to England!" That was swank, 'cause they had no choice. Well they started away about tea time The sea was so calm and so still And at a quarter to ten the next morning They arrived at a place called Beck's Hill. Now King Harold arose there to meet them His face full of venom and hate, And he said, "If you've come for Regatta, You've got here just six weeks too late!" Well at this William rose, cool and haughty And he said, "Let's have none of your cheek. And you'd best have your throne re-upholstered, I'll be wanting to use it next week!" When Harold heard this defiance In rage he turned purple and blue And he shouted some rude words in Saxon, To which William replied, "And you." It was a beautiful day for a battle And the Normans set off with a will And when both sides were duly assembled, They tossed for the top of the hill. Well King Harold, he won the advantage And on hilltop he took his stand, With his cads and his knaves all around him, On his horse, with his hawk in his hand. It was a beautiful day for a battle And as soon as the whistle was blown Both sides started banging each other Until swineherds could hear them in Kent. Well the Saxons had best line of forwards, Well-armed with both buckler and sword. But the Normans had best combinations, So when half-time came, neither had scored. So William he calls for his cohorts And he says, "Let's pretend we're beat. And when we get Saxons down on level, We'll cut off their means of retreat." So they ran, and Saxons ran after, Just exactly as William had planned. Leaving Harold alone on the hilltop, On his horse, with his hawk in his hand. When William had seen what had happened, A bow and an arrow he drew. Then he ran right up to Harold and shot him. He were offsides, but what could they do? Then the Normans turned 'round with a vengence, Giving back both parry and thrust. Soon the fight was all over but the shoutin' And you couldn't see Saxon for dust. And when they returned to the hilltop, They found Harold so stately and grand. Sitting there with an eye full of arrow, On his horse, with his hawk in his hand. |
| Posted by: Alaska Paul 2008-12-21 22:10 |
| #5 Phil! You have won tonights prize. A gallon of blue paint, a wheel barrow and the Golden Book of English Cookery. |
| Posted by: .5MT 2008-12-21 22:07 |
| #4 William was a hardworking immigrant who brought his relatives along with him when he arrived to counter repressive and discriminatory Saxon immigration policies. |
| Posted by: phil_b 2008-12-21 16:28 |
| #3 And something - anything - will be GWB's fault. |
| Posted by: buwaya 2008-12-21 14:29 |
| #2 It'll be the usual mess. The whole encompassing event that extends from before Edward's death, the Norse invasion of of Harold Hardrada [who's own story reads like a real life Conan] with the pretender Tostig [who's family power Edward broke in England iirc] defeated at Stamford Bridge [with an incredible standoff on the bridge that is to mimicked Boromir's last stand from LotR], to the final scene at Hastings all in 1066 would make an incredible series in and off itself. Don't expect the usual suspects to ever carry it off. |
| Posted by: P2k on holiday 2008-12-21 11:32 |
| #1 I can see Spike Lee bitching about the lack of blacks in the movie |
| Posted by: Frank G 2008-12-21 11:16 |