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| Home Front: Culture Wars |
| PhysiciansÂ’ Derb Reference: Prescription for political troubles |
| 2007-08-17 |
| [Always on the lookout for innovations in the world of science to bring before my readers, I am of course a subscriber to that indispensable compendium of pharmacological data, The Physicians’ Desk Reference. Combing through the pages of the latest edition of this classic, I note the following new products to emerge from the labs of our pharmaceutical companies — the world’s best!] Ahmadinezam (uranium caliphate) Description: Mild psychedelic, enhances out-of-body and religious experiences. Indications and Usage: Ahmadinezam is indicated where attempted transplant of foreign tissue has been rejected. It has also proven effective in the symptomatic relief of excessive rationality. Contraindications: Ahmadinezam is mildly radioactive (~100kBq/g) and should be handled with care. Adverse Reactions: The most pronounced adverse reaction, observed in approx. 10 percent of cases on clinical trial, was moderate dwarfism. Also observed at low to medium frequencies (2-5 percent): strabismus, facial rash (resulting, for male subjects, in inability to shave), loss of some highly specific motor functions (e.g. ability to knot necktie). Barax (obamalic articulate) Description: Regulates melanin production. Indications and Usage: Effective with patients suffering from chronic situational dermatochromal anxiety — i.e. self-perception as “not black enough” when among African Americans yet “too black” when among other groups. Barax induces a “chameleon effect” — increased/decreased melanin production corresponding to perceived average shade of nearby persons. Contraindications: Barax is contraindicated in patients with non-health-threatening anxiety levels and should not be prescribed for patients with well-established perceptions of their own racial identity. Adverse Reactions: May cause severe mood swings, from amiable passivity to sudden aggression. What can I say---it's Derb |
| Posted by:gromgoru |