From the most trusted name in Big Media: The Weekly World NewsSAFFORD, Ariz.--A fugitive's abduction by alien beings has prompted a hasty interstellar extradition treaty, now under review by the U.S. Senate.
Safford is a real place so this has to be true.
The abduction disrupted a high-speed police chase along Interstate 70.
I-70 also exists, further reinforcing the credibility of this story. Unfortunately, it does not run through any part of Arizona, except perhaps fictitious parts
Police cornered the fugitive, thirty-seven year old Jonathan Lee Walden, but his stolen SUV suddenly vanished from the highway.
Re-sold in Mexico
"I saw some kind of metal craft hovering over the truck, then there was this intense white beam, and the truck disappeared," said one eyewitness. Police dismissed the beam as a searchlight from the helicopter pursuing Walden. No police reports were filed after the chase, except for three documents almost entirely censored with black marker, and one report of a speeding fine issued, but not collected, for a vehicle exceeding 670,616,629 miles per hour in a 25 mile-per-hour zone.
Two of the censored documents mention a new law enforcement authority called 'Interplanetpol.'
Government officials denied that any non-terrestrial extradition treaty was in the works. But--in the words of one Capitol source--"it's right there on the books, ***Treaty Doc. 209-19, 109th Congress, 2nd Session.***"
The source also reported that members of the president's staff have extensively briefed Ambassador Richard L. Zlevin on US-extraterrestrial relations, and have reserved broadcast time on the Federal Radio Observatory's Red Bank transmitter for treaty negotiations.
Prior to the abduction, fugitive Walden was serving time for kidnapping--"so the aliens are unlikely to have much sympathy with U.S. law enforcement officials during the negotiations," said the source.
Maybe we can negotiate with them for a new detention facility to replace Gitmo, one not even the ACLU and CNN can find.