(2006-09-06) — Americans last night rushed to the aid of debutante CBS News anchor Katie Couric to help her develop a distinctive ’sign off’ for her evening newscast. According to a source at CBS, the network already has 10 “hot candidates” for what journalists consider the most important element of any TV news program.

The multimillionaire media veteran ended her premier show last night by asking the viewer to suggest a sign-off that would rival Walter Cronkite’s immortal phrase “…and that’s the way it is” or Dan Rather’s simple but profound word: “Courage.”

The plea for help from the viewer comes after months of research by the CBS News staff failed to turn up a suitable way to end the show that would “convey the significance of this massive journalistic enterprise,” the unnamed source said.

According to a leaked internal memo, here are the top 10 viewer-suggested Katie Couric sign-offs ranked according to frequency of suggestion:

10. “Well, there’s 22 minutes of your life you can never get back.”
9. “News pH balanced. We report. You admire.”
8. “I hope to see you tomorrow night, because all I see tonight is the TelePromTer.”
7. “I’m Katie Couric, and that’s the way it is at the DNC.”
6. “That’s the news and I mean it. Does anybody want a peanut?”
5. “I’m Katie Couric and this is one sweet gig!”
4. “If you stand up for a few minutes now, you won’t get so many sofa sores.”
3. “Now you know what to think. But you don’t really have to.”
2. “Why read the news online when I get paid millions to do it for you?”
1. “What makes a muskrat guard its musk?”