| Weekly World News is one of my favorites ... |
America's military arsenal includes a deadly new weapon: Submarine-like craft that travel underground instead of underwater! Dubbed Subterranean Underground Vehicles, or SUVs, 14 of the top-secret vessels are already roving far beneath the sands of Iran, poised to launch a surprise attack if it becomes necessary to overthrow the rogue regime."They're mega-gasguzzlers until the new Hybrid models come out, but that's no problem since they clandestinely tap into Iran's oil wells," said a reliable Pentagon source. "SUVs are already in place near Iraq's most strategically important cities -- including Tehran, Hamadan, Bakhtaran and Mashad. The White House is hoping diplomacy will persuade Iran to abandon its nuclear program. But if President Bush gives the word, elite troops aboard those craft could emerge and easily overrun Iran's unprepared defensive forces."
Each SUV's nose is equipped with powerful drills capable of boring through solid granite and the craft's six giant, retractable digging claws allow it to tunnel like a mole. Under farmland, the vehicles can travel 20 miles a day. "Under sand, they're faster -- capable of slithering up to 45 m.p.h.," the insider said. The source refused to provide details of the highly classified technology. But he warned: "If Iranian officials don't play ball with Uncle Sam they'll face dire consequences."
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