File under: It Couldn't Happen to a Nicer Guy
A billy goat did some rough, instant justice to the President when his motorcade stopped to refuel en-route to the eastern resorts of Nyanga. The president, popularly known as Bob got out to stretch his legs, and speak to a couple locals. He was holding a bottle of water, when a Billy goat developed a profound interest and chose to pursue it. Whilst Bob swung the bottle at the goat, it quickly and sharply pierced Bob's scrotum, and large bowel. Mugabe's notorious bodyguards seemed unable to prevent the attack as the goat lunged towards the president, perhaps the goat should be handling his security in future. By the time they reached Christmas pass outside mutare, the President was in horrible pain and had to be rushed to a secret location in Mutare for medical treatment.
It is not clear why the president was visiting Nyanga but Zimdaily understands Mugabe has a secret passion for gambling. He is rumoured to have visited Montclair Hotel in Nyanga endless times to fulfill his gambling desires, as he cannot use the facilities in Harare Showgrounds for security reasons. Grace Mugabe, the president's young wife, is believed to be in Pretoria doing what she does best, last minute shopping for Xmas.
Rumours are mounting that the couple have a strained relationship and to be in separate countries so close to the festive season is a telling indicator that this is indeed likely to be true. It is almost common knowledge that they no longer sleep in the same bed, so this twist in events is unlikely to make that much of a difference to a marriage that seems to revolve around convenience.
This sure might affect Bob's next marriage, though.
The president is also rumoured to be in the process of acquiring a private jet to allow him to make more frequent, long distance trips more securely and to reduce the burden of fueling hassles. He is expected to join Grace and the children in South Africa once the doctors give him the all clear.
A search didn't turn this one up, so I thought I'd make sure everyone got to feel the joy. Let's all hope a major infection sets in and they have to amputate.
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