Coming soon: the drug company that brought us Viagra has set its sights on solving a rather less notorious sexual problem - the premature female orgasm.
 "Well, Bob, I think we've solved all the medical problems in the world. Cancer is cured. AIDS is a thing of the past. The common cold is now uncommon..."
"Yeah. That was a tough one!"
"The way I see it, there are only two medical problems left in the entire world: a rare type of spavins that's contracted from a nearly extinct Outer Mongolian yak, and female premature orgasm. Which do you want to tackle first?"
"Ummm... Where can we get one of those yaks?" |
The pharmaceutical giant Pfizer has patented drugs to make it harder for women to climax during sex.
| Yeppers. Gonna sell like hotcakes. I'm gonna buy some Pfizer stock right now... |
The patent says: "Whilst anorgasmia and difficulties with orgasm are well-represented in the female sexual dysfunction literature, rapid orgasm - a female problem sharing components with premature ejaculation in men - is notable by its absence."
| This could possibly be because nobody regards it as a problem? Think real hard now. Use your imagination... |
Pfizer believes couples do not complain about the condition "partly because male partners often choose to take rapid orgasm as positive feedback on their skill as a lover".
Douglas Savage, director of the Leger Clinic in Doncaster, said: "It sounds very strange. We spend most of our time trying to give ladies orgasms."
| He's almost got it, I think... |
The Sexual Dysfunction Association said it had never heard of premature female orgasm, which is different from persistent sexual arousal syndrome, in which women suffer near-constant arousal. A Pfizer spokesman said the patent was not related to an active research programme and no clinical trials were planned.
| "We... ahhh... couldn't find any volunteers. Not even the monkeys would sign up... The white rats laughed at us... Laughed! |
Next they plan a drug that can make your golf scores higher. A guaranteed 20 strokes per hole minimum. |