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Home Front: Politix
Moobat Sues Republican Party For Helping Bush Get Elected
2004-11-24
EFL. Hat tip: Cracker Barrel Philosopher.
Though it reads like a parody, I think this is straight reporting. (Though I hope I'm wrong.)
I think it's parody. The original title's "Stranger Than Fact: The PESTy Election." If it's stranger than fact, it's not fact. Even though it could very well be true...
One might be forgiven for thinking that the first suit against the Republican Party for Post Election Selection Trauma (PEST) would have been filed in Palm Beach County, but a 38-year-old from Manhattan's West Side has beaten her Floridian fellow victims to the punch. Barbi Weiner, a third grade teacher currently on disability, is suing the Republican party for having taken an active role in returning George Bush to the White House, a circumstance that resulted in Ms. Weiner suffering a nervous collapse last Nov.8th as she crossed West 72nd Street.
Where are the guys in the white coats when you need them?
"I looked up and saw the WestSideWaffle! sign with its big red 'W's,'" she says. "And I realized it was true — he won. Then I started thinking about my life and I realized that I couldn't go on living in a country where a war-mongering baby-killer holds the highest office in the land. I guess I lost it."
I guess you never had it.
Asked why she doesn't simply make up her mind to leave the country, Ms. Weiner said, "That's a typical Republican oversimplification - if you don't like it, leave. Nothing will ever change if we just run away. I chose the principled response. But I didn't think I'd wind up spending a week in a mental hospital.
Only a week? They let her out way too soon.
There's nothing crazy about wanting the President of the United States to be a Democrat.
True. But there is something crazy about wanting a far-left America-hating socialist Democrat moonbat leech like Kerry to be President. Or dogcatcher.
Anyway, I shouldn't have had to lose it completely just to bring this crisis to the attention of the American people."
Hey, lady, here's a clue: It's not all about you.
The day after the election Ms. Weiner was unable to go to work, believing that any minute the election would be called for Mr. Kerry. But once he conceded she went into a deep depression. "He just gave up. Just like that. No fight, no lawsuits, no dimpled chads, no recounts, nothing. It was the lowest moment of my life."
Don't get out much, do you?
Asked why she hasn't sued Mr. Kerry for capitulating, Ms. Weiner said, "That's just like a Republican — blame the victim. How would it be fair for me to sue Mr. Kerry for losing to the vast right-wing conspiracy?"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! And they let her wander the streets alone? The mind boggles.
No stranger to lawsuits,
Now there's a surprise. NOT.
several years ago Ms. Weiner won an undisclosed amount, rumored to be in the tens of millions, when she sued Moonraker's Coffee for having addicted her to caffeine. "Everyone knows their coffee is strong," she said when the verdict was announced, "but the company keeps the exact strength of its product a secret, so anyone who watches her caffeine intake as carefully as I do is completely in the dark as to what she's ingesting. I wanted to force them to be more open, and I succeeded."
Here's a hint, moonbat. Switch brands.
Ms. Weiner says her lawyer has told her she faces an uphill battle over her claim against the Republicans.
But he'll take her money anyway - at least until the blood money from the coffee company runs out.
"For one thing, they're going to say it's the nature of our system - the Republicans were supposed to be committed to helping that draft-dodging mama's boy win.
Yep. 100% Kool-Aid-drinking moonbat. And that "boy's" mama could kick your ass even today, idiot.
They're going to claim that the Constitution guarantees a Republican the right to be president if he gets enough votes. But I think we can probably convince any San Francisco moonbat reasonable jury that when it's a choice between a man with the obvious support of the whole rest of the world as opposed to a man with the support of a few marginal groups in just one country, there's no question which one the Constitution would approve. It's simply a matter of getting the jury to understand why the feelings of the other people on the planet matter.
Better file the suit in San Francisco, then. I doubt you'll get enough New Yorkers to buy that steaming load of horse hockey.
Anyway, the Constitution doesn't even mention Republicans. To me it's a no-brainer."
I think she's got the no-brain part down pat.

I'm speechless. Please God let this be a parody.
Posted by:Barbara Skolaut

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