(2004-12-10) -- In an announcement which has already raised the hackles of environmental groups, President George Bush today proposed to fight the increasing cost of coffee by drilling in Alaska's Arctic National Wildlife Refuge (ANWR).

"Our dependence upon Arabica beans is a threat to our national security," said Mr. Bush. "We must develop our own coffee reserves or we'll be caught sleeping."

A spokesman for the Sierra Club said, "President Bush and his cronies in Big Java are leveraging America's caffeine addiction to ravage ANWR. A coffee pipeline rupture would devastate the pristine Alaskan habitat, leaving thousands of caribou jittery and irritable for days."