(2004-07-24) -- The Pentagon announced today that the newly-released payroll records from President Bush's 1972 National Guard service were discovered in the socks of Clinton-era national security advisor Samuel R. "Sandy" Berger.

"We're still going through the trove of documents from Mr. Berger's socks," said an unnamed spokesman for the FBI. "It's like an archeological dig. I wouldn't be a bit surprised to find 18 minutes of Nixon White House tapes as we work our way down through the various strata of the Berger hosiery."

Mr. Berger released a statement to the media denying intentional wrongdoing in the matter, and claiming that "static electricity" often attracts items to his socks.

"In the future, I shall employ a popular dryer sheet which dissipates electrical charges," Mr. Berger said. "My failure to do so previously is just plain sloppiness."