From ScrappleFace(2003-10-15) -- For the second time this season a corking scandal has rocked the Chicago Cubs in the wake of their improbable 8-3 loss last night to the Florida Marlins. This time a fan is the target of the investigation.
An unidentified Cubs fan, who snatched a foul ball away from the outstretched glove of Chicago left-fielder Moises Alou, is under investigation for allegedly having a head full of cork. The foiled foul catch marked a turning point in the game, which the Cubs had led 3-0 to that point. They were just five outs away from the World Series.
"No one with a brain in his head would cheat his own team from making an out," said an unnamed spokesman for Major League Baseball. "We suspect that most, or all of the fan’s cranium has been hollowed out and filled with cork."
Earlier this year, Cubs slugger Sammy Sosa was suspended for using a cork-filled baseball bat.
One expert said that cork-filled crania are a growing problem among baseball fans, but this is the first time during the 2003 post-season that the epidemic has affected the outcome of a game.
"Fans like the cork because it makes their heads lighter, and leaves them untroubled by thoughts of personal responsibility," said the expert.
Numerous physicians, who are Cubs fans, have offered to remove the cork from the unidentified man’s head, possibly through his nostrils. |