Amish Tech Support points to this welcome news that "Hong Kong Phooey" is coming to the big screen, in the memorable tradition of Scooby Doo and Rocky and Bullwinkle. What I had to say about the idea caused his comments to go deader than Abu Nidal on the spot. At the risk of crashing my own server, I'll say it here: I will go to see no movie featuring a combination of live and animated characters until Clutch Cargo: The Motion Picture.
If you're too young to have been exposed to Clutch Cargo, don't bother asking your parents about it — it was so awful as to be indescribable. I hadn't thought about ol' Clutch for years until I heard Chris Matthews, of all people, disparage some fellow with a wooden speaking style by comparing him. Then it all came back to me in a rush: the bad artwork, the yard-sale "animation" — actually still pictures, with only the lips moving, a total of two cells needed for each scene... Clutch's face was mostly manly jaw... cute sidekick kid with a pup, and he didn't have to go to school... and another sidekick with a sun helmet and a scruffy beard... and in one story they had an Eskimo... with a harpoon!
By Gad, the Big Screen needs Clutch Cargo! Bill Quick knows how to write screenplays — somebody call him! We'll all be rich! Maybe we can get Whoopee Goldberg to make an appearance... |