[LAIST] A naked woman was rescued far out in the water from the Newport Beach coast and officials are still flummoxed over how she got there."What do you think, Mahoney?"
"I dunno, chief! I'm flummoxed."
"Let's ask Professor Jones!"
"Yeah! He's a famous scientist!"
Around 10 a.m. last Sunday, two kayakers heard a 28-year-old woman calling for help in the water three miles out from the Newport Harbor jetty, reports the L.A. Times.
"Help! Help!"
They found the woman--whose identity has not been released--alone without a boat, floatation devices or even a bathing suit.
"Lookidat, Kevin! She's nekkid!"
Just to clarify, "she was completely naked," Sgt. D.J. Haldeman of the Orange County Sheriff's Department Harbor Patrol told the Times.
"She din't have no clothes on!"
The woman managed to stay afloat in the deep waters since the night before, according to the Harbor Patrol. She said she had been swimming near 19th Street on Saturday around 5:30 p.m.--about three miles up the coast from where she was found--when a rip current swept her out to sea. Some time during her roughly 16-hour ordeal, she ditched her swimsuit "so it wouldn't restrict her in her abilities to swim," Haldeman tells the Times.
"That wuz when she got nekkid!"
Harbor Patrol deputies fully expected to treat her for hypothermia, but impressively she seemed fine.
"Seen her boobies an' ever'thing!"
Besides her lack of swimwear and good condition after a long, cold swim, authorities are also puzzled by how the woman got out there in the first place.
"How come none of you guys speak Esperanto? Where are all the flying cars?"
Officials haven't been able to find anyone who saw the woman go into the water Saturday night, including lifeguards stationed near 19th Street.
"Nope. Ever'body I saw had her clothes on!"
The woman said that she left her belongings there, but the Fire Department hasn't been able to find any unattended items. If they had been found Saturday night, it would have triggered an investigation into her disappearance.
Wait a day or two and the real story will come out. This one smells like a washed-up beluga whale...