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| -Short Attention Span Theater- |
| Aliens gave me psychic powers |
| 2006-03-28 |
| Posted by:anonymous5089 |
| #9 Henry IV, Part I, Act III, Scene 1. Glendower: "I can call spirits from the vasty deep." Hotspur: "Why, so can I, or so can any man; But will they come when you do call for them?" |
| Posted by: Eric Jablow 2006-03-28 21:21 |
| #8 I may be drunk tonight, but in the morning you will still be ugly. |
| Posted by: john 2006-03-28 20:30 |
| #7 I gnu you were going to say that. |
| Posted by: Inspector Clueso 2006-03-28 17:44 |
| #6 99.9% of everything people do is mind-numbingly dull and repetitive. This leads to something called the "prognosticator's paradox." When asked what the future looked like, the fortune teller responded, "What does the present look like?" In other words, just by looking at a person, what can you tell about them *right now*. It's not like they have their biography *and* their autobiography stapled to their chest, so you can see what is going on in their life from theirs and other people's point of view. Sherlock Holmes might figure out something, but hey. Okay, so you are looking at someone *right now*. What do you see? "They are fat and ugly." Okay, so what do you see in their future? "They continue to be fat and ugly. Eventually they die." But you didn't really need to be a fortune teller to know that. Uh, but will I win the lottery and stuff? Oh, yeah. Heck yeah. Win the lottery, highly unlikely. By looking at a person, *right now*, even if you see that an "event" is taking place, what the hell is it? Some lady over there starts jumping up and down, obviously very happy. What has just happened to her. Damned if I know. Okay, now on to the *boring* part. Imagine that you can look at a person's future as if it was on a 50,000 hour VHS tape. But you don't have a fast-forward button that works while the tape is running. So you jump forward a minute and take a peek: they are still fat and ugly and sitting on a toilet. Another minute: they are still fat and ugly watching teevee. Another minute: spending about 1/3rd of their life sleeping. Finally, after doing this a *lot*, you come to a scene where it looks like they have lost 30 pounds. But there is nothing to say *why* they have lost 30 pounds. So now they are less fat, but still ugly. After another minute or two they gain the weight back. Eventually the tape ends when they die. Oh, and no handy calendars to say "On September 27th, 2021". And you probably see their death from their point of view, which is something like "What the f---?" followed by blackness. LOTS of information there, you betcha. Last but not least, the irony of fortune telling is that people do not really go to a fortune teller to find out what their future *is*. They want the fortune teller to *change* their future. That is, I want you to make me slender and pretty. "Lady, I'm a fortune teller, not a plastic surgeon." |
| Posted by: Anonymoose 2006-03-28 15:07 |
| #5 I was born psychic. Aliens took my powers away. |
| Posted by: Iblis 2006-03-28 14:48 |
| #4 "MAW! It's them danged aleens agin!" |
| Posted by: mojo 2006-03-28 12:38 |
| #3 Me as well but you already knew that |
| Posted by: pihkalbadger 2006-03-28 09:32 |
| #2 So how'd you do in the office March Madness pool? |
| Posted by: Mike 2006-03-28 08:41 |
| #1 Me too! Well, I got better... |
| Posted by: Spot 2006-03-28 08:17 |