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Satire blog: Passenger screenign program expanded
2004-01-12
ScrappleFace. Satire blog.
(2004-01-12) -- The Transportation Security Administration’s (TSA) new enhanced program to screen all airline passengers will expand later this year so that no one may enter a train, stadium, school, shopping mall or bank in the United States without undergoing a thorough background check, a metal-detector scan and possibly a body search.

Starting next month, the TSA’s Computer Assisted Passenger PreScreening Program (CAPPS 2) will compare airline passenger lists with computer databases, then classify each passenger with a color code (red, yellow, green) representing the individual’s potential threat to the flight.

"This is a great advance in American liberty," said an unnamed spokesman for the TSA. "Thanks to this technology, you’ll soon feel safe wherever you are because you’ll know that everyone around you has been thoroughly vetted by our federal government."

Eventually, the system will interact with the computer chips in personal vehicles, screening each driver and passenger before allowing access to cars, trucks and Segway Human Transporters.

"When we get all the circuits humming," the official added, "each person will wear a color-coded threat-level badge everytime he or she leaves home. Through GPS technology, the badge will be updated in real time. It’s the government’s job to protect each citizen from all threats. And the biggest threat to people is other people. When you know which people are ThreatCon Yellow or Red, you can make wiser choices."
Posted by:Steve from Relto

#4  I like the blackhat / whitehat idea. (Except that I like 'black' colored hats.). How about if we simply tattoo the word 'Terrorist' or 'Victim' on their foreheads.

When I was in the Philippines year-before-last you could not go into a mall without passing by a security officer. Women had to open their purse and allow the guard to peek inside (they had penlights for this purpose). I think backpacks and the like would also get the once-over as well.

All in all this did not cause a concern and people appeared used to it. I mean it just took a second or two since everyone knew what was expected. I am sure even more strict procedures are normal in Israel.

Can you imagine implementing this in the U.S. (or U.K.) today?
Posted by: CrazyFool   2004-1-12 4:03:02 PM  

#3  Carl..heh, heh! I like it. Better yet, how about black turbans for those who support terrorism and white turbans for those who don't. And..while we are at it, how about black beanies for the Euroweeny and American "so-called" peace-nicks.
Posted by: B   2004-1-12 3:31:28 PM  

#2  I suggest a more simpler system: we hand out black hats (or turbans as the case may be) to the Bad Guys. This worked for the old cowboy movies, why not learn from history ?

Posted by: Carl in N.H.   2004-1-12 3:07:43 PM  

#1  hmmm...this is funny, ""This is a great advance in American liberty," ....

but considering the alternatives today, I'm not which is worse, being color coded and afforded the option of reviewing the status of my fellow passengers ...or spending 5 hours wondering if the guy next to me is reading the Koran to deepen his spirtual enlightenment, or to say his final prayers.

Life is about balance. The freaking Islamists have upset it. I don't like the loss of my liberties, but I also don't like the loss of my freedom from fear to go out and about and do the things I want, without having to worry about some Saudi funded loser attempting to achieve significance at my expense.

So..as far as I'm concerned...let the TSA do their thing for now..and when we eliminate the Islamist threat, then we'll push the pendulum back the other direction.
Posted by: B   2004-1-12 12:28:50 PM  

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